What was that, Madam? Not the playground, you say?

Some of us weren’t allowed to be children so we don’t allow it to others.

Do you remember your childhood? Were you constantly stopped in your efforts for your own good? Did you hear the word NO a lot? How did that feel? How does it feel now?

In my case, I was “protected” a lot together with explanation “You can’t do that…You are too little, or you are too weak…” So I grew up believing I can’t do whatever I really want to do, and I stop myself a lot before I even try.

Now I am a parent to a beautiful little girl, and I am doing my best, as my parents did their best, to “protect” her. But at least I have come to understanding that it is not my job to protect her but to guide her and to take care of her in the way that she can learn her own limitations as well as her strength. I put my own fear and worries aside as much as I can to free her from my own problems, and let her learn from her own mistakes. Well, obviously you can’t just let your child try to fly through the window, but you can talk to them and sincerely and truthfully explain the situation and why it is dangerous. I have soooo much debating with my kid. It is how I practice patience and communication skills, and I thank her for that ❤️.

And now back to the title of this post… When my daughter was 2.5 / 3 years old, she was learning how to ride that bicycle with only wheels, no pedals… So we went to the park one day, as many times before and after, and on our way to there, my kid accidentally pushed herself with the bike onto one middle age woman, a little bit older than me, and she started giving us (me) the lesson… Our immediate apology wasn’t accepted and she went on and on how the street isn’t the playground and got really angry and yelling how she is also a mother and she would not and did not allow her children to ride the bike anywhere outside the park or playground… She got really worked up over that… My daughter was slightly upset and I just explained to her that she has to be more careful and aware of what is in front of her and around her all the time… And that was that. She had never made the same mistake, if it was in her ability.

But the anxious feeling was there with me still some time after that event. So, I needed to express it on the “paper” (in this case on the screen) and started painting the featured title painting (shown here is a segment of the original) and I ended up expressing all the feelings from my childhood when I was told what I did wrong without the compassion and an explanation, with only anger, shame and fear. This is probably how I learned to stop myself from enjoying the moment of exploring new things and building confidence and developed the fear and being overcautious about everything…

Probably the same feelings went to the surface of that woman and she couldn’t do anything but to let it out and reflect it on us. So, I realized she couldn’t be compassionate about it because she too was probably judged and couldn’t get in touch with her inner child.

Some of us weren’t allowed to be children so we don’t allow it to others.


Come join me on a self-awareness journey through art :). My art is who I am.

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