Parenting – Beauty and pain in letting go

I felt this pain, a happiness together with gratitude and sadness, when I stopped breast feeding my daughter. It was a beautiful experience.

I was a bit worried about how it will be for her, and didn’t expect those mixed feelings I went through, that I heard about from some other mothers. My daughter accepted it with no stress, no problem at all. For some time, I was thinking about stopping breast feeding and I talked to my daughter about how sometime soon it will be the time when she will no longer have this kind of sweet comfort available, but she will still always have me around being there for her. I prepared her for that moment, she knew it was coming. One night I felt I made a decision this is the night. I told my beautiful baby girl (14 months old) that tonight she will go to sleep without breast feeding and asked if that was OK. I kissed her good night and her dad stayed with her until she went to sleep. I went outside on the balcony and cried of both happiness and sadness at the same time. She did not cry at all, she didn’t try to get her nightcap, she was calm and accepting, and I was so happy and thankful for that experience. I felt like I have lost something by gaining so much more in return. I felt like this is it, next step it will be she is off to college or something… I felt the separation in its beauty and pain, I realized that that pain was my fear of letting go and I accepted the inevitability of change.

Next time I felt a little bit like that was when my daughter went to kindergarten. This time it was a little bit harder for us both, but we went through it, each by her own and together with each other… It was the time for me to finally commit myself to my work, this was the beginning of a new phase…

When my daughter started school, I felt joy and gratitude, and an enjoyment of being a parent together with my husband watching our child growing up and becoming more and more independent.

Thank you, my darling ❤️, for being you, for being in my life, for teaching me important lessons of love, teaching me patience and acceptance, and for giving me an opportunity to grow and be a better version of myself so that I can be of a better service to you, your father, our family and friends, and the rest of the world. I am happy, and in peace and love, and I wish the same to everyone!

* Featured painting is one of my computer graphics, titled “Separation”. I created it when my daughter started kindergarten.


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